Since I won’t have another opportunity to post on Leap Day until 2016……..
Last night I went to a basketball game at the high school Kinley will be attending assuming she survives the many perils of middle school. I was chatting with a pleasant gent sitting in front of me and he asked if I have any kids that go to the high school. My response was “I have a special needs daughter who is 11 years old and she will eventually go to Chaparral High.” Afterward I wondered why I had led with the term “special needs” instead of just saying I have an 11 year old daughter. Yes she has some physical and developmental disabilities that affect her daily living but do those limitations truly define her as my daughter? I don’t think so at all and I’m perplexed as to why I felt the need to share the extra information with a total stranger. Without getting too deep into some psychological mumbo jumbo I’m sure it has something to do with me developing a type of defense mechanism over the years. Maybe if I describe her up front as my special needs daughter it will help to guide the conversation so they don’t accidentally say or ask something that makes me uncomfortable. Recent examples would be “is your middle school going to be close enough for your daughter to walk there?” or “is your daughter involved in any extracurricular activities?” Those are perfectly appropriate questions for people to ask if they don’t know our situation and I’ve had to answer or deflect (depending on my mood that day) those kinds of questions many times in the last few years. I’m sure if I asked Kinley about this she would just want me to tell people that I have a beautiful 11 year old daughter. Good advice indeed.
It's funny you say that, John. I do the same thing periodically when people ask if I have any children. I say I have an adopted daughter from China. And, I too, question why I do that. You are right, it's not that one thing that defines our girls. Maybe we will learn someday.
ReplyDeleteI find myself doing this at times with L and his Selective Mutism. I agree with you that we are are trying to "set the tone" for what they may be thinking and not saying...or what is yet to be said, etc! What really matters is how WE feel about our children and their friends. Of cours, we wish that everyone would feel the same way we do, though! Kinley is definitely one of the MOST beautiful & sweet 11 year old girls I know and we miss all of you so much!!
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